This blog post will change your expat experience — if you let it.

Grab something to write with — and something to write on. We’re about to go to work.

Remember that time you moved abroad?

You were so ready to take on the world and you had big plans to do it right.

You were going to soak up the culture. Connect with the people. Learn the language. Skip culture shock. Make an impact. Dig in deep and love every moment of it.

Or maybe you had some other goal — write a book — start a business — work on a degree.

So what happened?

Did you crush it? Accomplish everything you dreamed of back then and more? Outstanding. (You can stop reading here)

Or are you normal?

Did you lose your steam somewhere along the way? Get smashed in the face with the realities of daily life and forget what those dreams even looked like?

Expats are starry-eyed idealists by nature and so naive on the front end.

The unfortunate end result is a massive loss of what could have been one of the most beautiful, productive and memorable seasons of your life.

Are you OK with that? Satisfied with the holding pattern? Content with mediocre? Willing to just wait it out until it’s over so you can get back to real life?

No?

THEN STOP IT.

Stop settling.

Stop making excuses.

Stop complaining and let’s get back on track.

You were made for more than this. You packed up your life for more than this. You gave up a ton for SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS.

Pause.

I wasn’t kidding about the pen and paper.

If you read the rest of this you’ll have something nice to think about.

BUT

If you wrestle with these questions and get brutally honest it will set you on a different path.

A better path.

To a better place.

Ready?

Here are FIVE QUESTIONS (and three bonus questions) THAT WILL SHIFT YOUR TRAJECTORY AND CHANGE YOUR COURSE

ONE: What did you think this was going to be?

When you landed — maybe even before — what did you think was going to happen? How amazing was this going to be? What were you going to accomplish? Who were you going to impact?

Finish this sentence: “I was going to . . .”

TWO: How were you wrong?

This is really important.

How stupid were you back then? How naive? How ignorant?

Here’s the thing — You are NOT that person anymore. You have so much more insight and expertise. You understand the challenges and the nuances.

You are more prepared to make things happen.

Make some “now that you know” reality notes

THREE: How would you refine your goals now?

Lay your answers to the first two questions side by side. Trim the starry-eyed bits. Lay them to rest. If it’s not going to happen then quick kicking yourself.

Growth and a better grip is not failure.

Once you’ve trimmed the fat — salvage the meat.

(apologies to vegetarians . . . not sure how you view the world)

What DO you want to do — now that you know what you know?

Reset your aspirations with your eyes wide open

BONUS QUESTIONS: Answer these in rapid fire mode

Focus intently on each one but don’t spend more than three minutes on any of them. Set your timer.

1. What’s blocking you?

What is standing between you and what you really want to achieve?

Money? Time? Schedule? Knowledge?

Write them down.

2. What’s distracting you?

What snags your attention and wastes your time?

Netflix? Youtube? Busyness? Conflict?

Write them down.

3. What BEHAVIORS have you on the wrong path?

This is the most brutal of the brutal honesty part. Let’s get real.

If you do this right it’s going to sting a bit but it will be transformative.

You want to learn the language — but you only eat where they have picture menus.

You want to engage culture — but you’re hiding at home.

You want to write a book — but you never write.

Look yourself straight in the eyes and confess what you’ve been doing to sabotage your goals.

FOUR: What is the ONE step you need to take next?

Forget about the end goal for a moment. That’s a LONG journey.

Point yourself in that direction . . . and take a step.

A little one (keyword “ONE”).

Have ONE conversation with your kids that is intentional and heartfelt.

Invite ONE person over for dinner.

Go to ONE new restaurant.

Learn ONE new recipe.

Send ONE encouraging email.

Write ONE chapter.

Now make your goals S.M.A.R.T.

• • Specific – target a specific area for improvement.
  • Measurable – quantify or at least suggest an indicator of progress.
  • Assignable – specify who will do it.
  • Realistic – state what results can realistically be achieved, given available resources.
  • Time-related – specify when the result(s) can be achieved.

(S.M.A.R.T. Model by George T. Doran)

Change your sentences from “I want to” to “I am going to.”

FIVE: Who will walk with you?

This is mission-critical.

Want this to be more than a New Year’s Resolution? THEN DON’T DO IT ALONE.

Pull someone in. Put it out there. The statistics are astronomical. When you invite people into your goals they get accomplished. When you don’t — they don’t.

Read: Unshelving Your Aspirations: A ridiculously effective alternative to New Year’s Resolutions

Write it down — who are the people you’re going to share with?

Personally I’m a HUGE fan of coaching. It’s magic. And if your dreams are worth pursuing they are well worth the investment.

It may surprise you to know that there are a ton of coaches out there who specialize in helping expats find, refine and absolutely crush their goals.

I know because I am one, and I have a lot of friends who are one too.

If you’re not sure where to start — hit me up. We’ll find the right people and we’ll figure it out together.

Try this out. And share your stories below.

Pass this on to your the other “stuckpats”.