I’m a Transition Specialist.
I know because that’s what is on my business cards — which are outdated — and in a suitcase — on a ship — somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea.
Feels like a metaphor for my life right now.
My role is to know things.
Important things like how to move from one country to another without finding yourself curled up in the fetal position, sucking your thumb on your bedroom floor six months in.
I’ve got a whole seminar for that.
Just kidding. That’s not a real seminar.
Yet.
But let’s just call it professional development that in the middle of a global pandemic I chose to uproot my family from a 14-year life in China to a European island . . . somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea.
Here’s the thing . . . Transition strips you bare.
It leaves you raw.
It exposes your deepest insecurities.
Exploits your weakest vulnerabilities.
Challenges your firmest principles.
Mocks your best ideas.
And it pokes your confidence right on the forehead with two fingers and says, “Alright tough guy. What do ya’ got now?”
I know. Because I’m a Transition Specialist . . . in transition.
I’m feeling it . . . in my core.
And yet, in all of the chaos, confusion, and mayhem of rearranging your entire, cushy system for getting life accomplished while upending your sense of community and knee-capping your structures of support — in all of the isolation, and frustration, and irritation, and second-guessing . . .
IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY ATTENTION . . .
There is NO BETTER PLACE to learn . . . and if you’re not careful, you might just learn something about yourself.
Here’s what I’m learning this time around
Knowing is ONLY half the battle
Sorry, G.I. Joe. I know you meant well but winning half a battle is kind of like jumping halfway over a pit of crocodiles.
Knowing about transition is critical. So important. It helps and it’s why I do what I do.
It’s reassuring to know I’m not going crazy.
It’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
It’s important to be equipped with strategies and tools.
But it’s not a free pass. Regardless of who you are or how much you know about the impact of transition, you don’t get to escape the pile of turds that comes with it.
Pardon my language. I’m a little raw.
Smooth does not mean easy
Full disclosure — I didn’t learn this one this time around. This transition has not been smooth. This transition started with canceled flights and snippy, Chinese airport personnel telling me I couldn’t use the flights that hadn’t been canceled. It was marked by delays and restrictions and days on hold with customer support and fantasizing that I could turn into the Incredible Hulk and throw buses at people.
That was just getting here.
But every transition is different.
I’ve had others that have gone off without a hitch — smooth rides from take-off to landing and instant, supportive community.
And it was still hard.
Go figure.
Rough does not mean bad
This transition has been the roughest — not unlike what I would imagine it might feel like to be strapped to a professional wrestler . . . and then rolled down a mountain . . . during an earthquake . . . while waiting for customer service to take me off of hold.
And still . . . we found golden minutes along the way. People bent over backwards to help us. We had extra outings and sweet moments of connection even in the middle of the ugliest melt-downs
And this one I love the most — I got to see the resilience and flexibility, that has been packed into my kids through all of the crazy changes they’ve been through, shine like diamonds.
None of this has been smooth — but some of it has been really, really good.
Pandemics are stupid
Anyone want to argue? Anyone?
I dare you.
How about you, key stockholders of the surgical mask or hand sanitizer companies?
I didn’t think so.
This is a mess. So if you’re brave (or crazy) enough to be taking on a global move right now (and I know I’m not the only one), just know that transition is hard on a good day. This one is compounded . . . complex . . . and NOT how it is supposed to go.
Be nice to yourself.
Talk shows aren’t funny without an audience
Am I right?
I mean, if Jimmy Kimmel tells a joke in the woods and no one laughs . . . is it still funny?
Turns out it’s not.
Here’s my point — when EVERYTHING around you changes in an instant you can’t pretend like it hasn’t and expect the same results — something has to give.
Figuring that out is called TRANSITION . . . and I’ve got a seminar for that.
For real. I’ll do that one if I get one taker.
But it won’t be free.
Loving something doesn’t always feel good
I love transition. I really do.
Still.
I love day one in a new country.
I love getting lost and finding my way back.
I love figuring out how the jumbled mess of puzzle pieces lock together, one by one, to reveal an incredible landscape that makes you want to frame it and hang it on the wall . . .
and start on the next puzzle.
Even more than that, I love walking with other people who are doing the same thing.
And sometimes . . . it hurts.
And it’s hard.
And it’s confusing.
And it’s lonely.
And you wonder if it was all just a big mistake.
So tell me one thing you’ve ever loved that hasn’t felt the same.
If you’re in the middle of global transition right now let me encourage you with these words:
ARE YOU INSANE?!! Don’t you know it’s 2020?!! What were you thinking?!!
Now soak it up. Don’t miss the good bits. Hang on tight and let’s get through this together.
If that’s you, drop a comment below.
Vent a little.
Tell us about the golden minutes.
Remind us all that we are not alone.
What have you learned . . . about yourself?
What I’ve learnt in this covid19 transitional mess: stay calm and cool, all things pass even bad things, don’t sweat the big stuff and the small stuff will take care of itself, be safe but not crazy, share your calmness with the melt-downers because they need and mostly want that support, and on top of it all, turn all the shit into opportunities and see what happens :-); shit grows stuff–just LOOK at my garden nourished with shit. Man, you’ve never seen seen stuff grow until you put shit in it. Good luck to you all out there.
Love your posts- always speaking truth. What a year!
My perspective is a bit different. I’m not in transition but as a Member Care Specialist, I am working with many who are. I’ve got people in country trying to transition out, others trying to transition into a new country, and even some who are stuck somewhere in between with nowhere to go. It’s been one of the most frustrating, confusing times ever but here are a few things I have learned. 1) God has the attention of the world and they are looking for something that makes sense–the only thing that does is Jesus. 2) It is providential that you are where you are right now. It caught you by surprise but not God; He planned it that way. 3) Look for the door of opportunity He has opened for you where you are right now. He has opened doors through this pandemic that have never been opened. There is something He wants to accomplish through you with the people with whom you are currently interacting. Launch yourself into His care and watch in amazement at how He uses you to accomplish His purpose. I have looked on in wonder at the incredible opportunities He has made possible for the team with whom I am working.
Very thoughtful. Love your personal writing style. Thanks for the coaching session. I’m in transition though not overseas so will stiil use your advice.
We’re getting ready to transition back to the US after living overseas since 2007. I’m a TCK, so this will be my second transition back to the US in my lifetime. Hoping I do better the second time around…clearly the first time didn’t take. Thanks for the heads up!
Thanks for the invitation to share Jerry. My family and I are about to celebrate our first year anniversary of living in Oman. (Its a small country in the Middle East I’d never even heard of until we moved here. 😉 We came in October 2019 with a 6 month old and a 3 year old. Then, in March, our country…well, the world experienced COVID and the marathon of transition doubled in scope. I’m SO thankful I didn’t know how far-reaching this pandemic was going to extend when we first experienced its effects. The gold that I’ve experienced in the past six months has been so incredibly worth the loneliness, frustration, and grief. I have gotten to know my husband and rediscovered what an awesome man he is. In the solitude, I have discovered what I want for the first time and am starting to learn how to express that. I have started to trust that I don’t have to perform for God, He loves me with no strings. The isolation of COVID has given me a chance to slow down and enjoy in His love.
Thanks for this. I have lived overseas in one city for 19 years. I moved to another city in the same country 6 weeks ago not knowing a single soul and having only been to that city for the job interview and to find a place to live. Not having to learn the culture and language again is a huge help but the loneliness from starting all over again with friendships and, really, everything. is significant. It’s even in the simple daily tasks of finding the supermarkets that have the foods I need or being in a city where I have to drive everywhere and not knowing where things are or that I live in a new apt complex and have very few neighbors who are mostly transient foreigners. But it’s also a peaceful time having learned from previous transitions in my life and sitting in the space and time that it takes to rebuild and develop people and places, connections and community. I’m not anxious to dive into it anymore; I’m working on engaging as it unfolds. But still there are the tears on some days. Glad there is a community of us out there who get this deeply. It helps.