Hey, want to start a fight? Get expats talking about language learning. 

Not the new ones. They all agree. “We can’t WAIT to start speaking (insert language here)!! It’s gonna’ be great!”

They high five and chest bump each other as if one day soon they’re going to blink and be fluent.

It’s cute.

Those are not your fighters. You want to look for the people who break out in hives around those people. Grab two and get a good seat.

We begin with a philosophy of language learning that gets pummeled, shattered and rebuilt the by unique actualities of our experience. Regardless of where the individual expat lands (or how fluent they become) you should be warned that when you poke at our language learning paradigms you’re likely to hit a nerve that may be connected to our most ongoing frustrations, our most embarrassing failures, and our most painful insecurities.

Get ready to rumble.

Learning a new language (and how you feel about it) is a fertile ground for internal and external judgment.

• I am SO BAD at language learning.
• I don’t know how you can live here and NOT learn the language.
• I thought I’d be fluent by now.
• Must be nice never getting out of the expat bubble huh?
• I’m too old for this.
• You’ll never REALLY know someone if you can’t speak their language.
• Do you have a picture menu?

So what if you paused?

What would it look like if you withheld your judgments for a bit, admitted that we’re all unique and then built your own path forward based on your own realities?

 

Here are four questions you should consider as you chart your language learning course

 

ONE: WHAT’S YOUR ROLE? 

Different expats DO different things so a “one size fits all” paradigm AND a “one size fits all” judgment is misguided. Consider what you came to this place to do and the level to which language learning would support that. “How essential is it?” is the low bar and “how helpful could it be?” is at the top.

• Are you an aid worker expected to be fluent?
• A diplomat expected to be impressive at dinner?
• A missionary with a message?
• An international school teacher in an English immersion school?
• Are you on a two-year contract or in it for the long haul?

 

Your role is the first driving factor but definitely not the only one.

 

TWO: WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

If the “role” question is professional then the “goal” question is personal. Regardless of the obligatory expectations placed on you by the people who sent you there, what do YOU hope to accomplish while you are there? There is LITERALLY no better place in the world to learn a new language than where the people who speak that language live. While you are there, how are you going to leverage the rich learning environment?

Get specific AND realistic. Finish this sentence. “Before I leave this place I’m going to ________________”

• Be able to read a menu without pictures.
• Talk politics with my taxi driver.
• Share my life story with a group.
• Sound like a local on the phone.

Once you have set your goals you can work backward from there.

Get crystal clear on what you want AND what you don’t.

 

THREE: WHAT’S YOUR REALITY?

I have this conversation a lot:

“If you’re an English speaking teacher in an English speaking school on an English speaking team with English speaking support staff . . . and you’re studying Chinese for two hours a week and you’re not a savant . . . um . . . your goal of total fluency in six months is . . . how should I say this . . . NEVER, EVER GOING TO HAPPEN.”

It’s not a BAD goal . . . it’s just a stupid one.

Consider your realities.

• How immersed are you?
• How much time can you commit?
• How much do you actually care?
• How many screaming kids are running around your home?

Here’s the beauty of it — when you know your realities you can adjust them. Armed with a legitimate understanding, look back at your goals and reassess what it will take to hit them.

You might also adjust your expectations.

Both are good.

 

FOUR: WHAT’S YOUR PERSONALITY?

This is a big one and all personalities are NOT created equal, especially when it comes to language learning. That DOESN’T mean that some personality types cannot learn language but it does help you navigate the best WAY to learn.

Don’t swallow the LIE that outgoing people are automatically better language learners. Some of the most fluent speakers I’ve ever met tip the scales on the introvert side but they didn’t pick it up by faking extroversion. They found methods that connect with WHO THEY ARE and they dug in hard.

Here’s a “for instance”: When you make a mistake and people laugh, what happens?

• You get embarassed and are afraid to try again?
• You study even harder so that never happens again?
• You laugh with them?
• You kick them in the face and scream, “SPEAK ENGLISH THEN!!!!”

Getting crazy comfortable with WHO YOU ARE lets you customize your approach.

But please don’t kick people in the face.

Ok?

 

Embracing the nuance of your role, your goal, your reality, and your personality will free you up from the pressure of being driven OR dragged down by someone else’s expectations of how great you should be.

AND

It’s not all about you.

It will also give you the space to offer grace and encouragement to the diverse and marvelous group of bumbling foreigners around you.

Build your plan. Make it personal. And stop fighting.

 

ONE LAST THING — IF YOU ARE LEARNING CHINESE PLEASE KEEP READING

I want to introduce you to my buddy Kwadwo (however you pronounced his name in your head was wrong — try saying it QUĀY.jo).

He has launched SPEAK EVERYDAY CHINESE and this is what I love about it.

• It’s QUALITY (kind of tired of the poorly done stuff, amen?)
• It’s ENGAGING (great for people like me who are easily bored)
• It’s SO, SO RELEVANT (no more lessons on how to buy stamps for your postcard). Kwadwo will teach you stuff that you will actually use in a way that will have you using it today.

Actual lessons:

• Six different ways to say “don’t take my picture!”
• What to do when DiDi calls.
• How to order Starbucks.
• How to say, “I’m a vegetarian” or “no bones please” or “can I get a signature hot chocolate with whipped cream”

I love this guy — and I feel cooler for knowing him.

Click here to check him out.