It’s here again. Wrestling season. For the expats.

Here’s the backstory . . . for the rest of you.

Expats don’t stay forever. We come and go. “Transience” is our middle name and there is a revolving door at the airport.

This one simple truth produces about 83 super significant gaps between our daily existence and the daily existence of the normalpats (now a word).

Just to name a few:

Incessant farewells

find out Why Expats Hate June

Never-ending transitions

read about the transition that never ends . . . like seriously . . . never

And beautiful global networks

read why “Hello again” is so amazing

But . . .

An overlooked and annoyingly present reality for global people is wrestling season.

At any given moment there are tens of thousands of expats who knew all along that they wouldn’t stay forever, and are wrestling with the BIG decision of whether or not now is the time to go.

Here’s just a taste of what they wrestle with:

If I stay, how many more weddings, birthdays, big events, holidays and funerals will I miss?

If I go, how bad will I miss these beautiful people that I’ve bumbled through this with?

If I stay, am I going to screw up my kids?

If I go, will my kids get broken in the transition?

read “I’m not breaking my kids and other things expats wish they could say”

If I stay, will I ever get married?

If I go, will I ever find a job?

If I stay, who’s going to take care of my parents as they get older?

If I go, will my life be boring?

If I stay, am I going to stay in the same spot forever?

If I go, will I go “back” or somewhere else?

If I stay, what will it do to my career?

If I go, can my career go with me?

If I stay, am I hiding from something?

If I go, am I running from something?

If I stay, how long will I stay?

If I go, will I ever have anything like this again?

If I stay, will I ever really feel at home again?

If I go, will I ever really feel at home again?

If I stay, what will I miss?

If I go, what will I miss?

If I stay, will I ever be satisfied?

If I go, will I always regret?

See? It’s a challenge. A big one. And one that we don’t think about on the front end. It’s an internal struggle that we don’t share publicly because we don’t want to freak people out with our thoughts of departure or give them false hopes with our thoughts of return.

It’s extra weight that we carry in the context of our regular extra weight.

Here are three tips for anyone in the ring right now:

ONE: Don’t wrestle alone

It’s sensitive because your pondering and secret mulling don’t typically belong on the public stage — but finding a trusted, insightful, indifferent voice to help you process will break open discernment that you didn’t know you have.

TWO: Know yourself

This is your decision. Your process. Don’t wear someone else’s mask.

Don’t make a spreadsheet if you’re a whiteboard person. If you’re verbal processor– talk it out. If you’re active processor — get up and go. If you’re an inny processor — lock the door.

If you’re an OVER processor . . . um . . . this is going to take awhile . . . but you knew that about yourself. Own it. Do all the things but when you’ve done all the things — make a decision.

THREE: Keep it in the ring

Dedicate time and space to ONLY this decision.

Seriously. Close the tabs on your computer. Get a babysitter. Schedule time on your calendar with start time AND an end time to ONLY think about this. One hour of dedicated space is FAR more valuable than three weeks of “I really ought to think about this . . . sometime . . . when I can . . . oooh look, Netflix.”

The worst decisions are made when they are treated like a sidenote or a daydream.

Focus. You got this.

Happy wrestling.

Are you wrestling? Share your insight below. What else are you wrestling with? What’s your gameplan?

Have you been a wrestler? Whether you won or lost, tell us what you learned.

Know someone who is wrestling? Pass this on.

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