Would Someone Please Tell Us the Next Time the World is Going to End?

We just noticed yesterday morning that the world was going to end.  That would have been nice to know.
Best part about living in China?  The “on/off” switch.  We can watch the news . . . when we want.  We can follow politics . . . when we want.  We can check in on Hollywood . . . when we want.  When we don’t however, we can turn it off and never hear another word.
I honestly don’t miss the constant bombardment of trending news events deemed relevant by massive media corporations and public opinion polls.  It’s actually quite nice to not feel completely consumed by what CNN and Fox News are arguing about . . . every single moment of every single day.   Charlie Sheen’s “winning”, Barack Obama’s birth certificate and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child(ren) are stories we can access at will or remain blissfully ignorant of. The trade-off is that we are blissfully ignorant.  By Western standards we are painfully out of touch with what’s hot in the news this week.  In my opinion that is the definition of a “fair trade.”
However . . . considering the fact that we are 12 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time and therefore theoretically subject to the end of the world at least a half day before most of our family and friends, could we bother someone in the Western Hemisphere to mention that next time? Post it on Facebook? Send us a note?  I’m just sayin’.  And for scratching our back . . . we’ll let you know a half day in advance when the world doesn’t end as predicted.
It didn’t yesterday.

Our Intern the Superstar

Hoods off to the best intern in the history of interning and the most famous expat in Qingdao this week. micMAC was proud to claim a grown man in green tights as one of our own last weekend.  Jeremy came to China in October to spend a year with us and recently landed the lead role in the community play put on by the expat community.  He nailed it.  Robin Hood has never been cooler and Robin Hood has always been cool.

Has No One Noticed that Obama and Osama Rhyme? An Update on What China Thinks About Bin Laden

“Bin Laden is not dead.”  I have it from a reputable source.  In fact a whole room full of reputable sources.  I spoke with some more Chinese friends this week and got the down low on what China thinks nearly two weeks after Osama Bin Laden’s death (or should I say . . . his deathyou know  . . . with finger-quotes).  What I discovered is that American’s no longer have the market on conspiracy theories or rapidly changing opinions (see what they thought last week).  Makes sense really . . . you can get the same theories and opinions in China for a fraction of the price.

Sorry.  Too political.  Here are some of the theories we discussed . . . 

  • Bin Laden is not dead but this is a strategic move to get America’s guard down so he can return when we least expect it.
  • Bin Laden has been dead for several years but Obama took credit for it now because his approval ratings are down.
  • Osama and Obama are working together and made a deal to fake Osama’s death so Obama can get re-elected which will ultimately help Osama . . . and Obama.  
  • The U.S. actually killed an Osama decoy but by the time they realized it they had already announced the news so they buried him at sea quickly to cover it up.
  • George Bush has masterminded a brilliant plan to spike Obama’s approval ratings early enough for a fickle American public to hate him by November 2012 and elect Donald Trump who is actually a robot controlled by Osama Bin Laden . . . who is actually a robot controlled by George Bush.  
  • Ok I just made that last one up.  They have no idea who Donald Trump is and they would never call George Bush brilliant.
So what’s your theory?  

Turn Off the Light, Stupid: What China Thinks of Bin Laden


“Americans are happy today.”
-My barber

We don’t like Bin Laden, but he’s better than America.”
-Some Guy Interviewed on Chinese News

“Laden was the greatest national hero in Arab history using his own power to fight the most powerful country in the world, America”
-Zhang Xin
Director of the China Central Television’s National Security and Military Channel

In my quest for an answer to the question, “what does China think of Osama Bin Laden, today I was reminded how potentially dangerous curiosity can be (you heard about the cat right?).  I think a quest for truth is never not good but a quest for an answer will come up short every time.  The problem with an answer is once you’ve got it you stop looking.  There is ALWAYS something more.  Always another angle.  Always a different opinion.  Always something that you missed before.  If we could have it our way (mmmm . . . I miss Burger King) we would have our answers cut and dried and served on a platter (mine with a Whopper please).  What does China think?  They’re glad he’s dead.  They said so.  Next.  
But there is so much more.

Here are some themes that I caught today on my quest but if you want the real truth you’ll need to come talk to a billion and a half more people yourself.  You can sleep on my couch.  

A Big Indifference
This is a monumental moment for America but while the implications are blatantly global, Bin Laden has never really been China’s biggest problem.  It’s fair really.  Every nation feels their own pain much deeper than the any others.  China felt the pain of 9-11 much the way that many Americans felt the pain of the 2008 Sichuan earthquake (which had a death toll of more than 20 times that of 9-11).  It’s was horrible.  It was sad.  We were eager to help.  But it was on the other side of the globe.  Glad it wasn’t us.  Is that China speaking about 9-11 or America about the earthquake?  Yes it is.

The funniest moment of my day was when my assistant explained the Chinese translation of Bin Laden’s name.  Ben Ladeng.  I said, “‘Ben’ as in stupid?”  She laughed and said, “no a different ‘Ben’ but it sounds the same.”  Then she laughed slightly harder and said, “Ladeng can mean to turn out the light, so we sometimes say, ‘Ben Ladeng’ like we are saying “turn out the light . . . ” I finished for her, “Stupid?”  She giggled again . . . “yes, it’s like a joke.”  I laughed hard and said, “you have no idea.”  Even in her joking, though, there wasn’t that sense of harshness or slammingness or you’re mama’s so fatness that American humor is so famous for.  For her . . . “it just sounds funny, so we say it.”  

I think that helped me grasp the indifference.  Something that tapped my emotions, my pride, my anger, my cynicism my sense of justice and my sense of humor all at once, just sounded kind of funny to her.  We have different filters.

A Realistic Concern
Several times today I was asked if I was afraid of what might happen next.  “Bin Laden has many followers.  Are you worried?”  Obviously they are not the only ones to pick up on the impending threat but they have some history on both sides of that coin.   

Xia Minghan was a hero of the early Communist Revolution in China.  He was arrested by the Nationalist Party and penned a now famous poem that was quoted to me today with a really rough translation:  “It doesn’t matter if you cut my head off as long as there is true doctrine.  Kill me and there will be others.” (it sounds way more poetic in Chinese).  Xia was killed two days after his arrest but his legacy was a part of the fuel that helped the Communists drive the Nationalist Party to Taiwan and take control of China even after a long and nearly terminal struggle.  Point being, Osama is gone but there are plenty of others.  Point taken. 

An Attention to the Bottom Line
I read a great article today that said, I’ve often heard Chinese friends muse that China’s unimpeded rise over the past decade owed, in a small, strange way, to the fact that the U.S. was so preoccupied with Islamic terrorism that it didn’t have time to notice.”  Wow.

Al-Qaeda and the likes may not be a front burner issue for China but anything that scrapes the global economy won’t stay on the back of the stove for long.  You can be sure that there are plenty of wealthy Chinese business people watching to see which way the arrows point on the stock market today.
An Ironic Sense of Justice
Justice may be the most written word in the past 48 hours but it is very much a perspective word.  It’s a ‘good guys finally gets the best of the bad guys’ word and it relies very heavily on the understanding that I am the good guy.  However, you might not have noticed, but not everyone in the world labels America as the good guy.  China’s perspective on America has changed dramatically over the past 30 years.  We have successfully climbed from Imperialist Devils to Best Imperialist Customer Devils but we’ve got a long way to go to reach Good Guys.  From what I can see most of China leaned toward sympathy when they saw the towers fall in New York, but for some . . . that was justice.  From what I can see most of China also still sees the U.S. as a rich and powerful nation which likes to start wars and police the world.
A Complicated Big Picture
To sum it all up, you just can’t sum it all up.  China is vast and diverse and while they may make a public statement that is rarely challenged openly that doesn’t paint the whole picture.  There is no lack of personal opinion or position.  You can speak to a taxi driver, an office worker, a police officer and a beggar and you will get the same story from four beautifully different perspectives.  It’s like the more people you talk to the more the lights come on.  Or you can take the first answer you get and draw your conclusion.  That’s kind of like turning off the light . . . stupid.

Watching the World Change From the Other Side of the World

I was in Taipei, Taiwan when President Clinton gave the second most famous speech of his presidency:”Ok maybe I did have sexual relations with that woman” (second only to his previous “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”).  I remember that day vividly because it was the first time I really caught a glimpse of my own culture through the eyes of another one.  It’s an experience I have since come to love.  There’s something brilliant that happens when you sit on the visitor’s side of the gym.

When Senator Obama changed his name to President I watched it online from a training center in Northeast China and I was the only one interested.  I was just a few hundred miles away when Michael Phelps won 8 golds (although most people around me were 100% convinced he was doping).  Over the past several weeks I have had several conversations with Chinese taxi drivers regarding President Obama and while I can’t understand every word I can always decipher “Li-bee-ya”, thumbs down and flatulence noises.  Seeing your home through the lenses of the world doesn’t always change your position but it never leaves your position unchecked.  It grants a fresh perspective that pummels your pride, tests your patience and in the end, forces you to either open your eyes or be painfully conscious of your choice to keep them closed.

Today was another world changing day.  Looking forward to riding in a taxi tomorrow.  



Next Post:  What China Thinks of Osama Bin Laden.


Any guesses?

When Bad Things Happen to Good Hamsters

“Scramble Pentagon Jones” 
Avid Runner, Beloved Rodent, Trusted Friend
2011-2011

Scramble and his (or her) brother (or sister) Scrabble came to live with us just two weeks ago and today he was laid to rest near our apartment in a medicated chest rub box.  It was a lovely ceremony and a sobering reminder of little things that mean a lot.
In fairness Scramble was purchased with a disclaimer.  Not from the pet shop – the only information they offered was the calm assurance that we were not, in fact, buying mice, or rats or squirrels or beavers (I went through every rodent in the Chinese-English Dictionary just to be sure).  The disclaimer was mine to my daughter and it was simple: “Honey, hamsters die.” Turns out I was right (which I traditionally enjoy) but I thought it would be poor timing to gloat.  The “hard facts about pet ownership” talk was strategically designed to soften the blow when the inevitable day arrived but it was of little consolation this morning when I broke the news.  Tears.
Here’s the kicker.  I first realized Scramble had passed last night, seconds after reiterating the “hard facts” talk.  Rachel had forgotten to feed and water her pets (which I can safely say was not the cause of death) and in an effort to drive the point home I said exactly this . . . “Honey, if you do not feed and water them they will die.”  I didn’t yell.  I didn’t even raise my voice but I was just forceful enough to feel like an absolute heel when she rushed like a paramedic to get water and I noticed that Scramble was, as I had practically predicted, dead.  I quickly reviewed my next move options and chose not to go for, “see, I told you so.”  Instead I chose, “it’s past your bed time, no time to play with the hamsters right now, go to sleep.”  What?
All of this comes on the heels of a far more painful encounter with death.  Our little community of expats was shocked to its core two weeks ago when our dear friends 11 year old son fell from a significant height and did not survive.  He was as sweet and tender as a 5th grader can possibly be.  Is there anything more refining than death? Everything you say and feel and believe is beaten to a pulp when someone so young and so good and so promising dies so quickly and so unexpectedly.  Every cliche is challenged, every philosophy is purged, every idea about life and death and God is pummeled with a baseball bat until all that is left is what was too strong to be destroyed.  I’m proud to be a part of a community that has been beaten senseless and shown that things like real faith and real hope and real love (especially love) never, ever, ever fail.
Rachel’s eulogy notes:  (Translation)  “Scramble P. Jones, I
loved you.  I will miss you.  I will be lonely with no friend.
Hope you’re buried good.  Love Scrabble. S.P.J.
I’m also proud to have a daughter that knows how to take care of her pets . . . even when they die.

There was some concern that scoundrels and looters
might bother the grave site.  Ra thought a note might help.
“Ded Hampster.  leave
aLONE.  Scramble Pintgon Jones.”