Jan 28, 2011 |
It’s common knowledge that the most frustrating experience in the world is trying to find a taxi anywhere in China at 5pm. It’s a dual force at work. A billion people are getting off of work and need a taxi and the other 350 million (or as we call them here, taxi drivers) are right in the middle of a horribly placed, strategically annoying shift change. Supply and demand explodes and available drivers switch into hyper-selective mode, only accepting passengers who are on their route. The result is a pile up of wannabe passengers waving at every taxi driver who in return offers one of three responses: 1. The complete ignore 2. The “no no” wave or 3. (and this one is the worst because it offers such hope and then crushes it) the window roll down “where to?” followed by the “no no” wave. Add cold weather, heavy groceries or small children to test your ability to survive lethally high blood pressure.
Another natural result is that drivers (who are now holding all of the cards) will “double up.” That is, even though you have finally landed a ride they will stop, roll down your window, lean over your lap and ask other potential customers where they are going. On the way? “hop in, I just have to drop off this foreigner first.” Not on the way? “no no” wave.
Tonight I was rejected only a few times before a compassionate cabby told me to hurry up and get in. As we passed through an area that was completely saturated with dejected passenger hopefuls my guy slowed down for two sets of young ladies to offer hope and then crush it with his “no no” wave. This was the conversation that followed:
Quick Chinese Lesson: One of the terms for taxi driver is “siji” however, foreigners (like myself) often use the wrong tone when pronouncing and inadvertently call the driver a “dead chicken.”
Siji: (elbowing me) Did you see those girls? They were very pretty.
Me: (laughing and thinking, “You leaned over my lap to talk to them through my window, how could I not?) Yes I saw them.
Siji: I was hoping to give them a ride.
Me: So if they weren’t pretty you wouldn’t have stopped?
Siji: Exactly right. Chinese girls are very pretty.
Me: (thinking, since we’re in China couldn’t you just call them girls) hmmm.
Siji: Yeah, foreign girls are too fat.
Me: hmm.
Siji: (showing me with his hands) They have really fat legs.
Me: (biting my lip) Yes. Yes I suppose some of them do.
Siji: Is your wife Chinese?
Me: No. She’s American.
awkward silence
Me: She’s not fat though. She’s also very beautiful.
Siji: hmmm. . . You speak good Chinese.
Me: No, not really. Just a little
awkward silence
Me: So . . . this is my stop (exchange money)
Siji: Good night.
Me: Good night Dead Chicken.
Jan 26, 2011 |
Lotus, the lady who runs the veggie shop at the front gate of our apartment complex, told me today that Judah looks more and more like me everyday.
That’s exactly what every dad wants to hear even if their children are adopted. And a different race. She could have stopped there but she felt compelled to explain. “In the summertime, his skin is so black, now he looks more like you.” Again. Good place to stop. But no. With a big smile on her face, and the pride that comes from knowing she is giving us both a huge compliment she said, “now is much more better.”
I thinks it’s funny how disconnected the head and the heart can be when it comes to deep cultural issues. I know what she was saying. I know the heart behind it and the thoughts connected to it. I grasp the social and economic dynamics that have shaped and honed and fine-tuned the stigma into its present form. I teach this stuff and still . . . I was immediately offended. My mind, in a split second, flashed through every racially charged concept I had ever understood. Martin Luther King Jr. and Amistad and Kunta Kinte and Bobby (the single African American student in my small town high school who was treated really poorly) all hit me like a water balloon in the face and for that split second, I wanted to rise up and fight oppression and hatred and prejudice and the man. When the second was over though I saw Lotus smiling again and I smiled back.
It’s changing (as is everything) in China but for years, maybe centuries dark skin has been associated with involuntary exposure to the sun, which is associated with hard work outside, which is associated with being poor, which is associated with low education, which is associated with not being smart, which is associated with . . . this keeps going for a while. In my culture it’s offensive to attach a stereotype to a person based on the lightness or darkness of their skin and thank goodness it is (it’s been a long time coming). But jokes about people with red necks are just plain funny. After all red necks come from over exposure to the sun, which comes from working hard outside, which comes from being poor . . .
My perspective: “What a narrow-minded, bigoted remark. How dare you insult my son.”
Her perspective: “What a beautiful boy and I wish for him a prosperous, healthy, secure life. Here, have an orange.”
Jan 26, 2011 |
When I first came to China I loffed and loffed (that’s a laugh with a scoff) when I found out that some phone numbers cost more than others. My Chinese friend tried to explain that 8’s are auspicious (although I don’t think he used that word), as are 6’s but 4’s sound like death so you want to stay away from them. Also, easy to remember numbers are good so the ultimate phone digits would be 8888-8888. Loffing I asked, “How much for that one?”
“You couldn’t afford it.”
The longer I live here the more I am amazed at the cultural impact of things like 8 and red and cabbage. However, I’m noticing I loff less than I used to. Loffing involves a thought process (conscious or not) which inevitably arrives at a conclusion that we would never do things that way and therefore frees us up to laugh. . . and scoff. Pay more for a phone number with 8’s? Seriously. Give me all 4’s if it’s cheaper? Plan your wedding to land on the 8th? Um. No. Start your Olympic opening ceremony on the 8th day of the 8th month in the year 2008 at 8pm (only because the television networks wouldn’t go for 8:08pm)? Not my Olympics. We would never be so swayed. It is to loff.
Last year I was back in the States when the woman standing in front of me at the convenience store nearly passed out when her total was $6.66. She bought an extra pack of gum.
July 7, 2007 (7.7.7.) was a record setting day in America for weddings and lottery tickets
Ever been in an elevator and noticed a missing 13?
I told some of my Chinese friends about these things. They just loffed.
Jan 24, 2011 |
You’ve read the articles, watched the news, done the research and made up your mind. China is the golden opportunity of the century and it just makes good sense to do business there. Let me be the first to congratulate you on what could quite possibly be a wise and critical decision. I’m in your corner and I know you can do it. You are a brilliant entrepreneur and good things are going to happen. Before you make the move though let me offer one tiny bit of advice that is guaranteed to save you pointless pain in the future. Are you ready? Write this down.
Pull all of your hair out now.
Seriously. Find a comfortable place where you can be alone and one handful at a time pull out your hair. When you have no hair left to pull spend some time banging your head against the wall. No need to overdo it. Two to three days should be about right.
China is, no doubt, a golden opportunity but gold diggers lead very frustrating lives before they find their treasure and most of them discover that striking it rich does nothing to alleviate their anxiety. The research is in and it all says the same thing. China is the number one destination for global business and the number one most challenging place to do it.
Businesses in China rarely fail because of the size of the challenges they face. More significant is the size of the gap between your expectations and reality. The reality is you’re going to pull your hair out. You’re going to feel like you have worked harder than you ever have and accomplished less than nothing. Everything that is built into your core will be blasted and the volumes of business knowledge you have in your head will be reduced to coloring book status. Your way of doing things won’t work the way it used to and grasping that will actually set you up to do quite well.
So go for it. Move ahead with your eyes wide open and your bald head held high.
