Mar 15, 2011 |
The Chinese word for cute is “ke ai” and Judah hears it a lot. His curly locks (a rare commodity in China) and toothy grin more than make up for his confusing skin tone. Nearly every person who walks past him glances, grins and mumbles “ke ai“. The one exception, of course, being little old ladies who stare, scowl and scold us because he’s too cold . . . or too hot . . . or too fat . . . or too black but deep down inside, even the grumpiest little grandmas know that this kid is just plain ke ai.
Justin Bieber, on the other hand, is not ke ai. Granted our grasp of (and exposure to) Western pop culture is dramatically (and thankfully) reduced because we live in China but as far as we can tell from this side of the ocean he is the latest in a long succession of teen heart throbs who inherit the coveted responsibility of setting the global standard for “cuteness” (a title held by an elite number including the likes of Shaun Cassidy, Kirk Cameron and that kid from Home Improvement (the middle one) ). In fact just last week “oh my gosh, Justin Bieber is soooooooo cute!” became the the most uttered phrase on the planet (at least the American planet) among girls from 9 to 17 and ironically 28 to 32 year old women suffering from Post Adolescent N’Sync Withdrawal Syndrome (PNS). But not in China. Nope. Not cute at all.
It’s not because he is any less dreamy. On the contrary, milky white skin, blonde hair and enormous puppy dog eyes are all coveted and attractive qualities in the stereotypical Chinese eye. However the word ke ai (although translated “cute”) doesn’t catch all of the meanings that we would attach to cuteness. So a baby is most definitely ke ai but a teenager (no matter how cute) is not. A puppy . . . cute. A pair of heels with a matching purse . . . not cute. Fluffy kittens clinging for life by one paw on a poster that says “hang in there” . . . (doesn’t translate but still) so cute. Tiny, elderly couples in matching t-shirts holding hands and scooting slowly along the beach . . . hard to believe but not even a tiny bit cute.
So who defined cuteness for you when you were a teenager?
Mar 8, 2011 |
Four years ago I got a root canal . . . kind of. Did you know that your tooth can have more than one canal and consequently more than one root and consequently still hurt like a booger even after a root canal? Long story short my $36 root canal consisted of yanking a raw nerve from my mouth hole with zero effective novocaine and then strategically placing a filling on top of two other raw nerves in the same tooth. For four years, I haven’t eaten on the right side of my mouth, nor have I been in the same room as a dentist without curling into a fetal position. Until now.
So what did my new Chinese dentist have to say about the other Chinese dentist when she saw the x-ray of my botched, four year old dental work? “It was not done well.”
This Christmas Eve my wife sliced her hand on an open can of mushrooms (I know, gross right?). In medical terms it was flat out nasty. We made a quick trip to the ER so the doctor could, in the stitching process, put a needle through her tendon and cinch up a previously undisturbed nerve with zero effective anesthetic. We wouldn’t know this, however, until a second surgeon would reopen the wound, release the nerve and tendon and sew together another nerve that had been 80% severed by the mushroom can lid in a state of the art, absolutely cutting edge (no pun intended) surgery. Before that all she knew was it hurt . . . like a booger.
So what did the second Chinese surgeon have to say about the first Chinese surgeon when she saw the stitches? “Oh my God!” (Her words, not mine).
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BEFORE: LaWanda’s hand following the first set of stitches
that also pulled a nerve and tendon together. 6 stitches
“cha bu duo” (give or take). |
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| AFTER: Following sugery. 20 some stitches. |
Health care, like everything, is changing rapidly in China. The empty half of the glass hurts (very much like a booger). It is overcrowded, substandard hospitals with less than hygienic surroundings, oversized smoking areas and potentially under-qualified medical staff, often driven by saving face instead of patient care. However, I think it is safe to say that ten years ago we would have been hard pressed to find a doctor or a dentist to fix our earlier mishaps and we have ten good (or at least non-eventful) medical stories for every one horror story. So keep it up China. You’re moving in the right direction in more ways than one.
Anyone else got an interesting, international medical story?
Feb 11, 2011 |
So who had 17 months in the “How Long til Judah Gets Stitches” pool? Congratulations. You win.Another trip to Qingdao Municipal today for my son’s inevitable first stitches. Two to be exact, after a headfirst dive into the corner of the coffee table. It seems you don’t get to live in China long without having a painful and sometimes humorous health care story to tell.
Thankfully, this one is not ours. However, just a month and a half after the ER doctor sewed my wife’s nerve to her tendon with no anesthetic we walked in a bit apprehensive
(that is our painful health care story by the way). On a tip from a friend we discovered that the ER surgeon was not the only option for stitches and asked to go to the Dental Clinic section of the hospital (not sure why we didn’t think of that before). There we met a delightfully skilled surgeon and following a few brief moments of horrific screams (see above) Judah was stitched good as new (see below). Now we’re trying to figure out how to keep him from rubbing bananas in his bandage.
Sidenote – the whole trip cost about 20 US dollars which is five dollars less than our copay in the States (the upside of Chinese health care).
Other Sidenote – Our Stateside copay is about one one hundredth of the cost for my wife’s stitches factoring in three trips to Beijing and a surgery to fix the first, botched attempt (the downside).
Feb 11, 2011 |
We are sometimes asked what the most difficult part of living in China is. Is it the daily struggle of communicating in a second language? The deep cultural contrasts? Being stared at everywhere we go? The absence of thick, juicy ribeye steaks smothered in mushrooms and onions with a baked potato on the side soaked in butter and sour cream . . . what were we talking about?
Oh yeah, the tough parts. No. None of these hold a candle to missing out on the special days like today when my beautiful niece Shandi and her stud of a husband Stephen said hello to their amazing 8 pound 8 ounce bundle of love, Ridley. Welcome to the world little man. Love you more than steak (you too mom and dad).
Jan 26, 2011 |
Lotus, the lady who runs the veggie shop at the front gate of our apartment complex, told me today that Judah looks more and more like me everyday.
That’s exactly what every dad wants to hear even if their children are adopted. And a different race. She could have stopped there but she felt compelled to explain. “In the summertime, his skin is so black, now he looks more like you.” Again. Good place to stop. But no. With a big smile on her face, and the pride that comes from knowing she is giving us both a huge compliment she said, “now is much more better.”
I thinks it’s funny how disconnected the head and the heart can be when it comes to deep cultural issues. I know what she was saying. I know the heart behind it and the thoughts connected to it. I grasp the social and economic dynamics that have shaped and honed and fine-tuned the stigma into its present form. I teach this stuff and still . . . I was immediately offended. My mind, in a split second, flashed through every racially charged concept I had ever understood. Martin Luther King Jr. and Amistad and Kunta Kinte and Bobby (the single African American student in my small town high school who was treated really poorly) all hit me like a water balloon in the face and for that split second, I wanted to rise up and fight oppression and hatred and prejudice and the man. When the second was over though I saw Lotus smiling again and I smiled back.
It’s changing (as is everything) in China but for years, maybe centuries dark skin has been associated with involuntary exposure to the sun, which is associated with hard work outside, which is associated with being poor, which is associated with low education, which is associated with not being smart, which is associated with . . . this keeps going for a while. In my culture it’s offensive to attach a stereotype to a person based on the lightness or darkness of their skin and thank goodness it is (it’s been a long time coming). But jokes about people with red necks are just plain funny. After all red necks come from over exposure to the sun, which comes from working hard outside, which comes from being poor . . .
My perspective: “What a narrow-minded, bigoted remark. How dare you insult my son.”
Her perspective: “What a beautiful boy and I wish for him a prosperous, healthy, secure life. Here, have an orange.”
Jan 26, 2011 |
So here’s the conversation we have about our son in China.
Chinese friend: Is he your son?
Us: Yes
Friend: Impossible. He’s so black.
Us: Yes, he’s adopted.
Friend: He’s what?
Us: Adopted
Friend: What?
Us: Adopted, like from an orphanage (even though he’s not)
Friend: Ohhhhh! You have such good hearts.
Us: Thank you
Friend: So what country is he from? India?
Us: No, he is American.
Friend: Impossible. He’s so black.
Us: Yes, his birth father is black and his birth mother is . . .
Friend: American?
Us: No, they are both American
Friend: (confused look)
Us: He’s like Obama.
Friend: Ohhhhhh! He’s very smart.
The Chinese word for cute is “ke ai” and Judah hears it a lot. His curly locks (a rare commodity in China) and toothy grin more than make up for his confusing skin tone. Nearly every person who walks past him glances, grins and mumbles “ke ai“. The one exception, of course, being little old ladies who stare, scowl and scold us because he’s too cold . . . or too hot . . . or too fat . . . or too black but deep down inside, even the grumpiest little grandmas know that this kid is just plain ke ai.
