Culture | The Culture Blend

Speak Chenglish or Get Out!

Apr 3, 2011 | 3 comments

Something really interesting happens when speakers of one language try to learn another. They make mistakes.

There is a theory that says a person must make one million mistakes to speak a language fluently. I proved that theory wrong last week when I hit one million and one. When I first arrived in China I tried to tell the girl at Pizza Hut that I wanted my order to go (Wo yao da bao). She looked at me funny when I said “Wo yao dao gao” or “I want to pray.” I recently told my landlord that I needed to go because my plane was leaving in two weeks. I routinely call taxi drivers dead chickens (see Chinese Taxi Drivers and Fat Foreign Girls) and I once called the front desk of my hotel to ask for a blanket and promptly received a coffee cup. This list goes on and on for several years. Being one of the chiefest of language fumblers you might think that I would know better than to laugh at other people who make mistakes as well. Not so. I now laugh even harder. What has changed is my haughty arrogance when I laugh (see Loffing at the Chinese). I’ve surrendered all rights to look down on anyone because they fumble my language. We are one, them and me. Card carrying members of a club whose only rule is that you mess up . . . daily . . . a lot. I’m thinking of running for club President

. . . or Emperor.

Translations from Chinese to English often get bumbled and the results can be quite humorous. There are a number of factors from honest mistakes and difficult grammar to knockoff brand names and cheap electronic translators but it’s always good for a chuckle. So start by taking a humbling dose of “how’s my Chinese?” Then enjoy these pictures.

*Originally Posted in our other wildly famous but now retired blog: “Keeping Up With the Joneses”

Classic example of your basic grammar translation issue.
Sounds funny but you still get the point. I understood perfectly
at “Snake!”

Notice this one and the next one have the exact same Chinese
Characters (don’t hurt yourself). This one however, seems to be
translated by an extreme workaholic who feels the need to throw
in the extra step of UN – recycling.

And this one was obviously translated by a pessimist.

Sidenote: Puma (Pamu) seems to be one of the top three
mistranslated brand names in sporting apparel. Next to
Nuke (above) and Abibas of course.

🙂

Warning signs are almost always humorous. I’ve also
seen, “Carefully Fall Into River” and “Slowly Walk
Into It”

My Second Favorite Daddy and Daughter in China

Apr 2, 2011 | 2 comments

Me: Who’s the President of China?

Rachel (my amazing 7 year old): That’s right.

Me: What do you mean, “that’s right”? I said who’s the President of China?

Rachel: Exactly.

Me: (frustrated) Exactly what?!! WHO IS THE PRESIDENT OF CHINA?

Rachel: Yes! Hu is the President of China!

Me: THAT’S WHAT I’M ASKING YOU!!

Rachel: No, DAD! You don’t get it. The President of China’s name is Hu! Like your name is Jones. His name is Hu. H – U . . . Hu. Not W – H – O. It’s Hu. That’s his name!

Me: (proud that we got as far as we did) Honey, it’s funnier if you don’t throw that part in there.

Rachel and I have been working on our comedy routine since she was three. Still needs some fine tuning but there’s talk of an HBO special. It’s one of the things we love to do on a Daddy-Daughter Date and Daddy-Daughter Dates are one of my favorite things in the world. It’s not just because she’s a cheap date (although that doesn’t hurt). I love DDD’s because at 7, she loves them even more than I do. I’ve heard the rumors about what happens to kids when they become teenagers and as of right now Rachel is forbidden to turn 13. For now I’m marinating in the fact that she still thinks I’m cool . . . and funny . . . and would choose me over any guy in the world (unless he had a DSI [Google it if you don’t know] and hey . . . fair enough).

You rarely see an affectionate Daddy Daughter relationship in China. Father’s love their girls but it’s just not very mainstream Chinese culture to show affection or encouragement once they pass the toddling stage. That’s why I have so much respect for my good friend Yu Lao Shi (Teacher Yu). He crushes the mold of the Chinese father stereotype. His only daughter just started college this year and more than any Chinese father I have met he is not afraid to let her know that she is his pride and joy. He’s not sappy sweet or big on PDA and as far as I know they don’t yet have a comedy routine but when I told him I take Rachel on dates he couldn’t wait to go ask his daughter out. It must be working because when she comes home from school she wants to hang out with him which coincidentally is my greatest hope for Rachel. Scratch that . . . would be my greatest hope if I had any intention of ever letting her leave the house.

The beautiful side-note is that Teacher Yu is impacting Chinese parents and families in a way that both affirms and transcends culture. He challenges them to look beyond what feels natural and love their kids openly and vulnerably . . . and they do. Pretty cool guy. Just ask his daughter.

So here’s our new routine . . .

Rachel: Hey dad, who’s your favorite dad in China?

Me: You mean besides me?

Rachel: Of course besides you.

Me: Yu

Rachel: Me?

Me: No Yu.

Rachel: That’s what I said . . . me?

Me: No, not You. Yu.

Rachel: I’m not a dad!! WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE DAD IN CHINA?!

Me: No. He’s the president. Yu is my favorite dad in China.

Rachel: I IS?!

Me: No. Yu is.

Rachel: Oh . . . I get it. Yu is his name huh?

Me: (proud)

Communism & Capitalism: Does it Blend?

Mar 31, 2011 | 2 comments

The most searched name in Chinese cyberspace this week is Yao Ja Xin. Yao is a 21 year old college student who accidentally hit a woman with his car and then not so accidentally stabbed her eight times until she died. His reasoning? He feared “the peasant woman would be hard to deal with.” Now he’s dealing with the fury of millions who are disgusted by the pompous attitude of China’s rapidly growing, rookie rich kids.

Thirty years ago China began the complex process of changing absolutely everything without changing anything. They remained Communist and embraced Capitalism. That’s like remaining standing while you sit down. The two were thought to be unblendable and depending on where you grew up one of them has been the world’s greatest evil while the other has carried the answers to all of the world’s problems. However, in three very short decades China has become the world’s largest manufacturer, exporter and consumer of everything on the planet which has shifted their global status from poverty stricken and starving to an imminent superpower with a chunky midsection. The benefits for China are obvious: wealth, power, status and nice cars. The downside? Entitled 21 year olds who drive nice cars and value the cushiness of their sheltered lives more than the actual lives of the “peasants” around them.

Communism first sounded like a good idea in China because of the blatant disregard for lower class life. Mao Zedong traveled from farmhouse to farmhouse with the enticing prospect of levelizing the classes and rallied the “peasants” on the idea of a world where the rich kids couldn’t pick on the poor kids . . . or hit them with their car . . . or stab them to death. Now the social gap has returned with a vengeance. Millions have made the shift from rags to riches in less than a generation and millions more have traveled from the countryside (still in rags) to build new buildings for the new rich people and their new cars. Tensions are high and while incidents like Yao Ja Xin are extreme, they’re certainly not isolated. Maoism may have been flawed but I can’t help but think if the Chairman were around today he might be gloating, “I told you so”.

So if Communism and Capitalism had a baby what would it look like? More importantly . . . would you babysit?

Husband and 2 year old son of Zhang Miao
who was killed by Yao Jaxin.

On Japan, China and Things That Matter Even More When Disaster Strikes

Mar 20, 2011 |

“We fully empathize with how the
Japanese feel right now”
Wen Jiabao, Chinese Premier

Some people are laughing out loud at Japan right now. No, not Gilbert Godfried, the long-time voice of the most annoying duck on the planet. He quit laughing last week when Aflac canned him for tweeting tasteless tsunami jokes (sidenote: Thank you Aflac). Ironically, he was immediately hired as the new voice for the most annoying comedian on the planet . . . Gilbert Godfried. In China, however, it goes deeper than just a spineless, moronic, wannabe funny-man trying to cash in on the suffering of broken people. Some in China are laughing at what they call karma.

Hatred for Japan dates back to atrocities like the 1937 Nanjing Massacrewhere hundreds of thousands of Chinese civilians were killed (or much worse) by the Imperial Japanese Army in a matter of weeks. It’s one of those dark pages in the history books that stretched the parameters of what evil men are capable of. Decades of downplaying or denying the event haven’t exactly served to boost Japan’s tainted reputation in China.However, even though some are laughing, I’m standing by my previous post (On Japan, China and Things That Don’t Matter When Disaster Strikes)” with one slight revision. When disaster strikes grudges carry more weight than ever. When your arch enemy is brought to their knees it’s like the world holds it’s breath and waits for your next move. Will you kick them in the face or help them get up? Granted, there are plenty of Chinese who, by their gloating, have voted to kick Japan in the face but the vast majority and the nation as a whole have opted for a more noble response. China was one of the first responder’s when the earthquake and Tsunami hit and continue to hold out their hand to their fallen foe. To a friend, that action means a lot. To an enemy, so much more.

There is something pure and beautiful and right about loving your enemies.

Is It Racist in Here?

Mar 18, 2011 |

Had an interesting discussion on the bus today. Here are the questions in question:Part One: Are different races different beyond appearance?
In other words, is there any evidence that one ethnic people group is genetically predisposed to a specific activity. Are Asians better at math? Can Kenyans run faster? Can white men jump? Or can all of these ideas be explained away by more nurture based reasoning like study regimens, work ethic and numerical systems, lung capacity from higher elevation and . . . why is it that white men can’t jump?

Part Two: If you said yes, are you racist?
The idea of one race being better than another has fueled centuries of really bad ideas such as (but certainly not limited to) holocaust, genocide, slavery and imperialism. Has the constant barrage of racially charged news items created a culture of hypersensitivity or is it just best to tread lightly (or not at all) considering a long history of atrocities and deplorable acts carried out in the name of hate . . . or ignorance . . . or fear? Is it harmful or disrespectful to assume differences beyond mere appearance or is it ok to say “different” without saying “better”?

What do you think?

On Japan, China and Things That Don’t Matter When Disaster Strikes

Mar 16, 2011 | 2 comments

Like so much of the world our hearts are shattered for Japan this week. Disaster has a way of breaking otherwise unbreakable barriers and exposing what we once thought was most significant as small, petty and irrelevant. Wealth, prestige, political agendas, even deep seated, generations old prejudices are all smashed on a level playing field when thousands of people die.China hates Japan. Ok, that’s an intentionally overstated generalization but there are a LOT of hard feelings in this part of the world. I have watched some of the sweetest, gentlest, most loving Chinese people I know grow fangs and spit venom at the mere mention of Japan. It’s a hatred that dates back decades but it’s a grudge that many are unwilling to let time heal. And yet, this week, even China has a shattered heart.It’s a shock for us Western folk who thought that Japanese and Chinese were pretty much the same people but just a hint for future travelers . . . NOT the same. Take a look at the pictures below. Two elderly gentlemen, one Chinese and the other Japanese. They may look very much the same to you but they couldn’t be more different at their core. They have a different heritage, speak a different language and have watched history unfold from very different perspectives, most likely pledging allegiance to clashing ideals. Given their age it might even be safe to say that if they had met at any point in the last 60 years there would be much swearing if they were in a good mood. One picture was taken this week in the aftermath of the earthquake/tsunami and the other was taken in 2008 following the South China earthquake that killed more than 70,000 people. Can you tell or do they look the same to you? I kind of wonder if maybe this week . . . they feel the same too.Think you know? Leave your answer as a comment first and then click the links to find out. No cheating.