Christmas has become a convoluted affair, hasn’t it?

Frankly. I’m confused.

As an expat, I’m admittedly behind the curve on the most current culture wars and feather ruffles. I lose track of what I’m supposed to say and what I’m not supposed to say.

Let me see if I’ve got this straight.

If I say Merry Christmas, I’m a jerk-faced religious radical who hates anyone that doesn’t believe what I do.

If I say “Happy Holidays” I’m a cowering sellout to my faith and I hate baby Jesus.

Is that about right?

The whole conversation typically spirals into a painful pit of political, cultural and religious trump cards, slammed on the table with an unhealthy dose of insecurity and power plays.

“SANTA is a LIE . . . You want to LIE to your kids?!!”

“JESUS is the reason for the season!! You jerkface!”

“What about the CRUSADES?! You celebrate murder?!!”

“You know this whole thing started with the pagans right?!.”

“HAPPY HOLIDAYS??!! Let’s hope Jesus doesn’t forget YOUR birthday?!!”

“HOW DARE YOU!!”

That’s not what I was going for. Really — it wasn’t.

Can I try again?

At the risk of horrible offense and huge misunderstanding can I just step out on a limb and say . . . My wish for you . . . whoever you are . . .

is GREAT JOY

For those who love Christmas

For the ones who frolic and skip and “fa la la la la” all the way through December. The ones who get jolly with every yule tide song and jingle bell and twinkly light and wake every morning with visions of sugar plums . . . good for you.

May you be filled and overflowing with unspeakable joy that spills out into the broken world around you and touches the souls of someone in a different reality.

For those who used to love Christmas

To all of those for whom Christmas is just a big, stupid reminder that your heart hurts — that someone you loved deeply is gone — that someone you trusted crushed your spirit — that something you need is lacking — that something you want is out of reach.

For anyone who sees the sappiness and the happiness of the “Christmas Spirit” all around you — and wants to punch it in the face.”

I don’t say it lightly.

I’m so sorry. And my wish for you is joy. Maybe just for a moment. Maybe from a place you least expect it. Maybe it could never be nearly enough.

But my genuine hope for you is that even in your darkest moments, a flicker of true joy lights up your room.

For those who are too far away.

For the expats, like me, who are on the wrong side of the planet. For the homepats who love them and just wish they would smarten up and come back. For the misplaced, and displaced, and refugees, and prisoners and all of the other people whose greatest pain is felt in the distance between you and the people who aren’t next to you.

I hope you find some joy in the people who are.

I also hope you find some joy in those skype calls, and packages and pictures and memories and tiny little moments that remind you of the people you wish were closer.

For those who don’t celebrate Christmas.

For my Jewish and Muslim and Hindu and Atheist and Agnostic and many, many other friends — I love you — And that goes so much deeper than tradition.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to share my stories with you. I’d jump on the chance to sit over a tall, cold glass of egg nog and tell you about waking up on Christmas morning and Grandma’s squash pie.

AND

I would absolutely love to hear your stories too. Your holidays. Your celebrations. Your fondest and sweetest memories from childhood and your boldest dreams for the future.

My wish for you is joy with no disclaimer. No stipulation. No agenda.

Just joy.

For those who have been hurt by people who celebrate Christmas.

I don’t really feel like dancing around this one with veiled insinuations wrapped in insecurity so let’s just be straight. Deal?

For those of you who have been hurt by Christians and Christmas just stirs it up.

I am sorry.

I can’t apologize on behalf of the entire Christian world (they didn’t sign the release form) and I can’t promise a better collective showing in the future (that’s beyond my seniority level).

I can say this though:

I have played my part in your pain. I have hurt you deeply both directly and indirectly. I have shut you out. I have judged you wrongly. I have told jokes at your expense. I have marginalized you. I have huddled up with my own kind, high fived and chest bumped because we dealt shame and arrogance and it served our shortsighted purpose at the moment.

I have misrepresented my own faith.

I have loved you poorly.

And I am truly sorry.

And my wish for you is that you find the joy of bumping into someone who does it better than I have.

Someone who listens with humility.

Someone who loves without condition.

My genuine Christmas wish . . .

Is for GOOD NEWS of GREAT JOY for ALL PEOPLE.

And in the interest of copyright infringement, I should let you know — I wasn’t the first to write that.

One final note:

For those who are still offended.

For anyone who might be thinking, “that’s too far” or “that’s not far enough” or “you left out the best part” or “how dare you”.

I would invite you to discover the joy of extending your own wish for all people.

This one is mine.

May you find joy.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!